Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
