so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you would pick up someone in the library
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can you bring me the toilet please
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
