i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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