ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
