Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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