Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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