it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
