he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
