who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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