guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
