Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
