capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
