True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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