listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
