she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
