Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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