I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i out mim tonsoeep
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