Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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