She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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