she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
