So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
