i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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