Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
