omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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