The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
