the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize