Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize