don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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