you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i think i just lost a toe
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
