we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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