so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
