Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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