That's when you crack a 10am beer
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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