You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
