i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
