absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
