Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize