Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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