You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
