This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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