i permit you to call me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
