I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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