the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
