best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
