I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
