I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
