yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize