Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
