my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
