I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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