you guys were way drunker than both of me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Mom said you looked used
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
