Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
