Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
