Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
