So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
