the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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