is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
