Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
