Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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