We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
