i permit you to call me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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