You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
