What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
