well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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