I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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