I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
