i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
