I love black thongs
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
