I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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