I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
