why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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