Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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