So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
