My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
