New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
