If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
