It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
