They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
