it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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